For a few years I have known in my heart and mind that we hold all our own answers within. We receive continuous messages from our intuition, our cells, our organs, every part of us. The Ancient Ones in past civilizations and cultures knew this crucial fact, and taught this sacred knowledge to all. We have often forgotten.
I consider myself healthy in my diet, my exercise regiment, and my daily spiritual practices. Recently I became quite ill and could not tolerate much of anything solid in the form of food. I am a Reiki Master, Sound Healing Practitioner, Daily Meditator, and practice Ancient Shamanic modalities. Of course I offered my body,mind, and spirit my own practices and reached out to other healing facilitators I have trust in. I also received unsolicited and unhelpful advice and suggestions as to why I was sick.
I incorporate and welcome Western Medicine with Alternative Medicine . My illness began two months ago and gradually progressed in a downward spiral. I went to my Integrative Medicine Doctor who suggested diagnostic tests, and , as always, he honored the fact I listen to my own body and intuition.
My body was telling me it was my time to come to a resting place, to receive instead of my usual M.O. of giving help to others and holding Sacred Space for the Collective in our time of world chaos. As if I had a choice, and it became clear I did not, I stopped my activities. My body became weaker each day. I lived for close to a month on green juice, water, and broth. I did have a C-T scan, bloodwork, and an endoscopy. Most of the tests showed nothing was wrong with me. I listened without judgement but was weak. My body slept 10-11 hours a night. I experienced incredible Dreamtime each night, and even slept and dreamed during the day. I did finally receive a medical diagnosis of an abdominal, curable condition.
Through this experience I was not afraid, but at times was frustrated ; however, I continued listening to my dreams, my inner messages, and welcomed the support of my large tribe of friends and loved ones.
The messages of the Ancient Ones kept telling me to honor the change from Summer into Autumn, to be like the Wise trees that serve as my protection and guardians on the incredible property on which I live. I felt, just like the strong oaks, willows, and pines I was shifting in my beliefs, perceptions, and energies. When we allow ourselves to let go of trying to figure out logically what has no logical answers, and to trust the Ancient Teachings ,Wisdom of Nature ,and Natural Laws to unfold, incredible events come to pass. Our world has changed and those who try to use prior ways to work through current situations just may discover those ways are now archaic, and no longer valid. Using the old ways will bring more fear, more anger, and more frustration. We must be willing to embrace a new paradigm if we are to live in peace and harmony today.
As I recently have begun able to eat food again, and returned to a gentle yoga practice, I see the necessity of this illness. I wonder maybe sometime I asked for clarity, for inner answers to questions I did not consciously know to ask. I am grateful for the sickness that brought me to a screeching halt for it came with great gifts and blessings of surrender, of detoxification, of deeper trust and faith. I did release a couple of people I thought were supportive friends during the short illness when I discovered they really were not supportive at all. My vibrational level has changed…theirs had stayed back in the past. I do not judge their path. Those relationships, too, have been part of my Autumn clearing and awakening.
Each experience I am blessed to witness continues to be an opportunity, a catalyst of ascension toward a new world, for we who have awakened, and to those gradually joining us. Sometimes we just have to stop and let natural cleansing lift us out of our old skins, and into a new sense of wonder. It does require mustering courage to be vulnerable enough to be transformed into a better version of ourselves. I often do not see the Warrior I was born to be for the purpose of sharing my experiences.. to lead another soul out of their own shadows..until I finally find the hidden doorknobs and walk into a brighter light. We are in this together, my friends. Let’s not give up just yet.
When my life changed ,as did the rest of the world’s with 2020’s Panademic, I entered a period of adjustment. My home is in an area surrounded by a lush bounty of nature. I assure you I love big cities and the cultural amenities cities give me. I love to travel. My plan for the past year was to be camping in my favorite New Mexico remote canyon in June.That plan was altered. The Panademic definitely has impacted my financial status. I could be moaning and complaining about what continues to be an “unprecedented time” . I do march to the beat of my own drum, and because of that fact, perhaps I view the world differently than many.
I began my adjustment with looking deeply into what needed to be re-set , what was imbalanced In me ; where I might be experiencing disconnecting areas of personal relationships. Because I have been embracing the Ancient Ways of living my life in connection with the wisdom of nature, it was only natural and sacred for me to observe how Nature was using the time of Re-set. It did not take long to see Nature was flourishing into peaceful surrender and resting . She did not stop her blossoming of new growth in the Spring, welcoming budding plants, flowers, and birthing of new wildlife as animal parents nurtured their extended families. She continued her natural process as Summer set in. However, something, indeed, was different. Not only was the phenomenal Re-set happening in the forest I call home, but the miraculous environmental changes have been globally felt. The slower pace of human activities, though incorporating sickness and death,economic angst, and in many cases increased fears has brought social issues such as racism and long histories of unfair treatment of blacks, gender discrimination, and unscrupulous actions of police and governmental bodies out in the open.
The more I delved into my own beliefs and attitudes, the more I saw the silver lining of how the peaceful resting of nature has invited each of us to
co-exist differently in a new world. We will never return to the way the world was prior to the 2020 Panademic. Not only is nature flourishing ,but in spite of aggression, even violence, protests, destruction of statues depicting glorification of enslaved minorities..we as humanity are gradually flourishing! I believe it is because instead of us vs them or us vs nature, we in our slower co-existence with all beings, can no longer deny we, nature, and the changed world are not separate entities. We are nature. Nature is us. We are awakening. We called this in. We did not expect it to unfold in the way it has, but we repeatedly stated the words, and words have power:” The world of greed, destruction of the environment, imbalance of all elements has to change! “
So here we are learning to co-exist in the time of forced stillness, the time of forced inner balance, and the time of no more denial. Instead of fighting AGAINST broken systems, hatred among people, we are given one— if not the greatest opportunity humanity has ever witnessed…we can stand FOR kindness, resolution, and balance with the co-existence with our brotherhood-sisterhood we have craved since time began.. I thank nature for opening the door allowing us to see first in animals, plants, air, waters, and land how peaceful resting can be the portal to co-existence with all of us together as one United, Integrated Species.
You speak with platitudes with words that indeed have Power and Energy. My question to you this day is what will you allow? Will you allow yourself to surrender and release all the animosity, the judgements, the self righteous opinions, and come together with your fellow brothers and sisters, with all of Humanity as one Species with One Loving Collective Intention….or will you continue to point fingers of blame , to demand others live life your way and by your unspoken rules? Will you continue to glorify your wisdom and acts or will you step into the Light of true Authenticity? Will you allow yourself to exhale and to Be The Love you claim to seek? Go deep within and search earnestly for what will open each of our doorways…we have an opportunity in this enforced stillness to join together…or choose to separate into the hole of Hell labeling it Knowledge. What will we each allow?
I have been observing people I thought I knew well during the enforced quarantine of 2020 seemingly change. As I observed I came to the conclusion no one has changed…each has only become more of who they already were. Several friends and acquaintances have taken on the role of scientists, physicians, and Gods. People I only saw inklings of these shadow roles have jumped on proverbial bandwagons touting and spouting their greatness and their beliefs that their way is the only way to believe and present to the world. I have experienced significant changes in a few friendships, and a few I have walked away from while a few have walked away from me. I learned long ago I can shut the door on any situation, any relationship, but never to put the deadbolt lock on that door. One just never knows what may need to change, revisit, and reform within ourselves.
My own self observations have been assessed and I continue to believe in shining the light on humanity, holding the vision of a humanity of equality, and holding the intention, the best I can, of loving my brotherhood-sisterhood where each is at the moment. This at times challenges me but I continue striving. Being willing to accept even those who have attacked me and others personally , verbally blatantly and subtly has opened a door of frustration and pain I have carried since my teen age years. I applaud the Universe for opening this can of worms! I applaud those whose passions have resulted in uncorking the bottle of false illusions, denial, and unresolved grief. I celebrate the huge deception of humankind that we are separate beings. We are awakening, some of us slower than others, and some of us fighting to hold on tightly with the evidence of our long claw marks resisting change.
I read today that perfectionism is a form of self destruction, and I am adding to this definition, self sabotage. Those of us who have been suffering with this belief that we must be perfect and do life perfectly underneath that umbrella only have a tight carriage hidden , we hope, to minimize all those feelings of shame, guilt, blame and judgement. Therefore, so many in the collective consciousness demand to show each other and the world how it is all needing to look, how it should evolve.
Perhaps we can loosen that tight harness we have placed around our own neck and the spine of others by letting it unfold as it needs to…by looking into the eye of each of other fellow beings…and saying gently..You, too are my brother and my sister. You, too, are part of me. Then by looking in the mirror deeply at our own eyes without blinking and saying: I welcome the unity of humanity without choosing to be separated by any aspect. I am enough. You are enough. Together we are whole. Ahhhh as I exhale the need to make it turn out the way my ego demands …I can finally breathe and become love itself.
Has it occurred to you that the perceptions you have of who you are affect how you treat others? I have questioned most of my life why prejudice, racism, and the strong need to dominate another whether it has to do with color, race, gender, ethnicity, religion, or beliefs of any kind exists. For one to feel superior to another, which establishes an inherent desire and self induced entitlement to have domination over another group or single person ,it is because the one wanting to squash another into powerlessness feels the other to be a perceived threat. I have long had a magnet that states “if I am alright with me, I have no need to make you wrong.” The underlying issue is fear driving the person wanting to prove the perceived person is beneath them , and needs to be put in their place, controlled, even extinguished . Really it is that the unhealed insecurity, inferiority, and feelings of inadequacy empower them to behave through actions proving they are above and better than those they attempt to oppress.
In normal child development a child seeks acceptance, validation, and approval between the ages of five to twelve. Not getting these needs met often results in the birth of a sense of insecure inferiority. Unless this is resolved as the person goes through life, actions and behaviors will reflect the need to dominate over another.
I am a white woman who grew up in the sixties. I say I never saw color, but you know that is not exactly true. Of course I saw the difference in my skin color and another. What I did not understand was how could it be anywhere near right for a person to be treated less than because they were not white. I really got it by the time I was a high school freshman that I was given freely white privilege and my black friends were not, and I abhorred and hated this fact. I felt bad for people of color but no black person wants our sympathy. What is wanted is to TELL THE TRUTH . We need to call out people, our friends, our family, our co-workers who practice racism and prejudice. We need to admit we as white people have always been granted special privileges in our societies. We need to wake up and scream from the rooftops America and all countries , we have a big problem..we treat people of color differently and it has to stop! We are each equal . Say that repeatedly until your heart gets it. To my black friends I want to say loudly I, White woman of privilege, am sorry! I am not sorry you are of a different color. I am sorry you were not afforded the same privileges as I have been freely given, and I vow to do all I can to be part of the solution in changing this . I vow to call people out who I see treating you beneath them, on police racially profiling, maiming, even killing anyone solely on an unhealed need to dominate because of race and skin color. I vow to listen to every word of my oppressed brothers and sisters and stand with, for, and beside you as a reflection of myself because you are a Divine reflection. We are One species, and our land of chaos can be healed. It MUST start with telling the truth. Black lives matter because we are equal. If my words make you uncomfortable and disgustingly angry, I am glad. At least somewhere within you, you are recognizing your part in a very long standing problem, and just maybe you will become part of the healing of humanity.
Recently in my Dreamtime I was shown faces of a multitude of people. Part of them were horrifically paralyzed in fear. Another group were angrily trying to yank the fearful along with a third group of undecided people into a dark burial pit. Then I saw a row of eleven large boulders with a single white eagle perched on each rock, wings spread, with their majestic eyes gazing forward.
When I awakened a quote from the Sufi poet Rumi entered my mind: “ somewhere beyond right and wrong there is a garden. I will meet you there.” What this means to me is instead of pointing the finger of blame at someone else, I can choose to find common ground that does not attach judgment or emotions to it. This mystical
“garden” that Rumi speaks of is the place of neutrality. To some, neutrality is complete denial, turning one’s head away from the situation, pretending it does not even exist. To others neutrality means sitting on an indecisive, proverbial fence, not able or willing to take a stand.
In my life there have been times when I have left a situation I have been called aloof, distantly detached. I don’t believe this is an accurate assessment of who I am.
When I know I am complete with a relationship, a situation, or an experience I initially speak my opinion but before I walk away, and simply emotionally detach from the other person and the experience. I then enter a place of neutrality. Even if the person or situation invite me to return, to try it again, I remain calmly detached in neutrality. Just before I get to the state of detached neutrality I am in a crosstie – it does not matter if I stay or if I go. Then I enter neutrality. Once I am finished and complete with the experience I move forward, having no reason to revisit or look back again.
To me the gift of neutrality is not a severing or even a farewell. It is similar to how I think my final exhale from my human body will be when I leave this earth…… Complete and done.
I have long known nature is my greatest teacher. During the past six weeks I have been given multiple opportunities to re-assess my life in grateful periods of stillness. When we are willing to watch and learn from nature we are given a visual classroom of how letting go of the prior existences of the physical opens doors for new transformations to emerge. An important lesson: Nature has no need to cling and let go unwillingly with claw marks.
As I continue to surrender old ways of living life, situations that have become stale and disharmonious, I am able to exhale with new and welcoming breaths of awakened awareness. The result is more freedom of spirit within.
A few people I was confident I had released have reappeared lately. My inner Wise Higher Self at these times has presented me with the question “Are you sure you are finished with this?” My answer for each has been to see the humor in the reappearances, gratefully brushing off the residue of my past, and keep walking forward on my journey.
When we see the amazing energy that claiming the exhalation of letting go without any emotional attachment ,the practice of surrendering will become not just something we need to do, but will be an integral alignment with our co-creation of our Authentic Self alive in each precious moment.
Surrendering has become increasingly seductive and I want more present moments of the conscious breath of awakening!
I have lived alone for a few years by choice. Living solo during social distancing and extended quarantine times has opened me in ways I never saw coming.
I have never been a fan of cleaning. I do like the energy that comes after I clean but just the act of cleaning was never my thing. Lately I have found myself observing places that cleaning seemed, though novel, just could be beneficial!When did those dust bunnies have a family under my couch? How did cobwebs create cornered creations inside my gas fireplace?
Then there were the piles of papers, cut out articles on oodles of subjects, and uncategorized markers ,pens , paint supplies, and artist pads. I have always known what lived in each pile of my artistic world that I coexist with, and eventually when searching for a specific item ,I could find it. With so much time on my hands I organized each pile, eliminated close to a ream of unneeded pieces of paper, and discovered CD’s of music from my many past lives. This cleaning and organization only took about eight days.
As my relationship with my quarantined self continued occasionally different and unexpected emotions arose.I hung out with them and they passed. I got deeper in touch with the spiritual practices I do daily, and really understood on a new level why I am who I have evolved into. Communing with nature, journaling, creative writing, breath work, dragon Yin yoga, chi gong, meditation, Reiki, stillness, prayers and doing sacred ceremony for the planet are all practices I have incorporated into my life for many years. It really has come a surprise to me that I took these practices for granted. I know that I chose to start doing each one of them for the benefit they provided. A wonderful Observation in the past month has been the realization that the life I have created for myself including all these practices I do has taught me to be kinder, more patient, and generally a peaceful person.
Making a conscious effort for self-care as well as keeping in contact with like hearted friends and relatives have been crucial elements in this new way of life.
I have been noticing I do not need nearly close to the amount of distracting activities I enjoyed only a month ago. Sometimes I wonder how will I have time to do what I thought I would miss when the quarantine ends. Embracing the opportunity of hanging out with myself has opened a world I was not really prepared to witness!
One of the most wonderful observations in my awakening to the absolute truth is I have had everything I needed for quite a while. I do look forward to face to face socializations again in the future. Until then I think I will continue enjoying my solo retreat feeling pretty comfortable in my own skin. If you had told me that I was actually going to enjoy this imposed Quarantine away from my social world I would have never believed it. This is just more evidence that I often cannot see the best is yet to come and the most wondrous things occur in our lives when we get out of our own way and experience what shows up !