Do You Go Out Of Your Way To Be The Nice One?

I am relatively sure I came into this world as a rebel, asking direct questions to every person who crossed my path in order to discover what was not being spoken. Part of that motive was because from birth I have been very intuitive to the point I literally see the energies of words spoken, and always knew when a person was holding back some information and/ or knew what was spoken did not exactly align with a person’s thoughts or body language. I thought either the person was being dishonest or they thought it was not safe to divulge their true thoughts with me. I cannot remember a time , even when I was four years old, that I did not think it was my right to uncover the person’s hidden motives. I have never been great at being diplomatic when I wanted answers!

What I later came to understand is those who practice conflict avoidance really are demonstrating deep rooted people pleasing behaviors grounded in a lifetime of fear of upsetting another! People who go to great lengths to keep the peace at all costs probably have baseless expectations of the other person reacting negatively toward them. In other words, the people pleasing- conflict avoider does not trust stating their wants, needs, opinions, or beliefs is safe so they came across as this sweet, super nice person with friends, partners, co-workers, supervisors, even their medical practitioners….going to great lengths to be sure not to cause dissension! In reality, unless the other is also a people pleasing- never rocking the boat communicative partner this person will ignore an issue, avoid a conversation, and change the subject…all avoiding and most likely stuffing their feelings as they look into their proverbial internal mirror and see a reflection of Miss or Mr. nice person!

The bottom line is this person puts on a fake smile, negatively affects many interpersonal relationships, increases the risk of developing depression/anxiety/ other medical conditions..and results in a prevention of intimacy.

When a person becomes willing to stand up for themselves by stating their true feelings, and opinions about any subject, a shift happens. When that person takes a risk to be the same in almost all situations instead of playing roles in different settings, their throat chakra begins opening because of authentic communications , and the possibilities of deeper, intimate relationships can transform. It is really about making vulnerable connections in speaking our truth.

Personally, I enjoy nurturing relationships with people who show they are listening, who give me the opportunity to hear their truth, who align with similar values, and who are not afraid to agree equally with disagreeing on a variety of topics.

In my mind and in the vision I carry for a different world. disagreeing with another is a keystone to understanding another. When we each face our fears and speak what is in our hearts, we have a closer alliance with being unified. Just because we do not always agree with each other is not a justification for exiting a relationship. That being said, I will tell you those who repeatedly feel the need out of insecurity and apprehensions to not speak up and who are in fear of telling me how they really feel inside create questions in my mind of the value of the relationship, and I do weigh the pros and cons of staying or leaving. As with other awarenesses that come to the surface in our search for being the best version of ourselves, practice makes progress, but first has to come the admission of what is needing tweaking and recalibration.

Dare To Be The Best Version Of Yourself

Reflecting on my early childhood the moments I felt most alive were experiences and adventures embracing the great outdoors. I thrived climbing a pine tree not caring my Mother would not be happy with me that pine resin was stuck in my long, thick hair! As a curious child, I embraced and was filled with passion and the magical enchantment of the natural world. Then a few years of dysfunction entered my world. It took a while for me to reclaim myself , and reclaim I did!

I did not jumpstart my desire to become my best ME journey for any other reason than I felt this innate pull to find a way to become comfortable in my own skin . This has not been a quick transformation, and still is ongoing. Think of the huge change from a pupa to a butterfly and every single evolutionary step along the way. This was my destiny, and can be yours too ..if you are willing to dive off proverbial cliffs of unknown possibilities into deep canyons and oceans of self discovery to meet the you that you had no clue existed!

I offer some ideas. Vision the evolved you. Draw and write it on paper. Tell the kind of place you reside in detail. Describe your abilities, traits, and skills you own and offer to the world. Write affirmations in the present tense of specific activities you will be doing. For example, ” I am a person of physical, emotional, and spiritual strength by going to the gym and being of service daily to those who cross my path.”

Describe your friendships that supplement and resonate with your core values. Then , consider present people in your life that you are willing to walk away from with unconditional compassion because they demonstrate characteristics opposing your values. You don’t even have to have an inkling of a desire to change them or tell them why you need to create space between you. Furthermore, you probably do not have any emotional attachments to the friendships from which you desire to walk away. When we look at our inner truth of the level we value our connections with those we have allowed into our lives ( whether we have had a long or short history with them) as we practice self love for our core being, we will receive internal validation of needing to either set boundaries and/or decrease communications with them. Keep in mind everything is temporary, and perhaps just a pause for the present is needed. We may never want to completely burn bridges but taking an alternate route for ourselves in the moment often is an act of cherishing ourselves.

I personally am in the midst of a great transition of moving from a place that for four years has offered me isolated stillness of nature to a small, very cool town in which I can co-create community with new people. It all has flowed beautifully, and I believe daring to become a better version of myself is emerging . I feel I am a new species of lotus blossoming once again fueled by the waters of surrendering and shedding parts of my former self. I have jumped off similar proverbial cliffs before, usually with a bit of trepidation. This time I only feel excited as I unfurl my wings and fly into a place of contented joy.

There are still areas of my life needing refinement but as we all know, daring to be more of who we can be, just might prove we are miracles- in- the- making lasting until we leave this Earth- plane! I do hope you will join me on your own incredible journey of self discovery in meeting the best version of yourself. Safe travels!

Living In A Time Now With Opportunities of Transformation

I have walked through many opportunities in my life. Some of them took me a while to see each situation as blessings and opportunities for immense change. I remember when President John F. Kennedy died. I marched in protest of the Vietnam War. I cried at racial injustice throughout my lifetime. I stood with other women not as a “feminist” but as sister of peace. I stood with men as a supporter of courage, sensitivity, and balance. I have watched divisions and separation of people from each other based on skin color, beliefs, opinions, and other situations. As a child who actively lived through the Sixties, even in my youth and pre-teen years, I believed we were each equals and reflections of each other.

I am completely convinced we of Humanity are being given the greatest opportunity of all time to embrace Unity, to stand together as we uphold our Core Values. I do not have to prove you wrong to make myself right. My and your ancestors were people who stood tall in the face of adversity. Their strength and perseverance paved the way to show us each there is another way to co-exist with all living things.

I often refer to the pandemic that showed up in 2000 as the time when the world changed. I have no doubt we , for decades, have vocalized something needs to change. Energy flows where attention goes. Ancient cultures taught the wisdom of embracing the Natural World as a teacher and that the balance of the Sacred Feminine/Sacred Masculine within each of our inner selves was a catalyst to achieving the Peace Within each being seeks.

We got so absorbed in getting ahead, in being Number One cloaked in the patterns of “Self” that we began leaving behind what we sought …connections with each other. We became obsessed with our electronic devices, the ability to rant and rave on social media, and the accepted verbal diarrhea of condemning those whose ideas and opinions differed from our own.

As I see it, more and more public displays of the Great Wake Up Reset are beyond the proverbial tap on our Collective Shoulders . The push is strongly felt by all that it is indeed a time of transformative opportunities to first do our own inner work surrendering all that truly does not serve us, and then, to come together in harmonic peace IN SPITE OF OUR DIFFERENCES.

Allowing short and long term relationships of all kinds to either thrive or be released, nurturing our planet and all its inhabitants, and being willing to release the “I am right, you are wrong Syndrome” via the power of the only real element: the power of Love and Light will be the legacy we can choose….or will we continue as a species to fall further into the depths of darkness believing this is our destiny?

Yes, it is the time with opportunities. My ancestors showed me strength comes from honoring my Personal Power and making viable choices with the awareness fueled by actions based on my Core Values. If I am practicing being true to myself with self love and self compassion, it is highly likely I will be offering this same opportunity to you, to Nature, and to the planet. It is not too late for the Collective to become the best version of ourselves. The question is sandwiched in Willingness and Courage. Light and Love or Bitterness and Resentments? Fear or Love? Being Comfortable In Our Own Skins or Shaking In Fear as we did when Tyrannosaurus Rex was about to enjoy us for dinner? Seize the opportunity or bury our heads in the sand? Choices.

The Peace In Not Taking Things For Granted

I really want to want to believe I am a person who flows through life like a floating cloud detached from the material world. Then something happens such as the world changing in front of my surprised face giving me a golden opportunity to question if how I am living my life is the way I really want to live it!

Here is how the revelation came to me. First I began noticing products I have enjoyed using for decades were gone because companies who created them went out of business. Medical practitioners I had partnered with either shut down or re-located were no longer my option to enjoy. Disruptions in shipping having a direct impact on availability of merchandise I assumed was always there when I wanted it suddenly seemed to be in a state of lack. Then came the strangeness of not knowing if someone I passed on the street was smiling back at me because most of us were masked due to the COVID-19 Pandemic .

I conceded to the Universe that indeed my attention had been awakened to things I, Ms. Go With The Flow, had been taking for granted! I dove deeper. I see now yet another gift of how the world changed seemingly because of a virus was being shown to me. Actually this is just another layer of my proverbial onion that has continued to unpeel its layers since I became conscious of what is really true! I saw , and not with my initial reaction of jumping for joy, that those things (and people) I took for granted offered me yet another illusion…a false sense of security relating to permanence when in reality was not permanent or secure in the first place! The truth revealed is it was my emotional attachment to all I had been taking for granted!

So here came the question my committee who lives inside my head asked at one of our late night meetings: if I, the wise and powerful, knew nothing lasts forever, why oh why did I treat things, situations, and people as if they did?

Here came the positive news from this awareness. What if I made the intention and followed through in effortful grounding of the foundation of standing in the present moment? My inner Committee all shook their proverbial heads in affirming head nods of “Yes!”. In the Present moment I can see the value of relationships, things, and situations to a greater degree, and carry within myself the acceptance and solutions of change when change comes. After all, change is the only constant!

I am the first to admit living in the present is not easy. It is easier to create distractions that allow ourselves to wander aimlessly away from living in that place of specific things that matter the most. My great mind..really is responsible for most of my inner struggles and suffering and the Creator of that turmoil of the “What If Syndrome “. You know, what if I lose what I have or don’t get what I want!

I think I will return to being grateful for what and who is present in this moment, and minimizing taking for granted much of anything.

Following The Path Beckoning You

I am comfortable today knowing I march to the beat of my own drum. Even as a child I knew I viewed the world with a different perspective. Please know that I would never consider myself to be a feminist. However, growing up as an intuitive visionary in the Southern United States, I curiously observed males culturally assigned to accepted roles and females following along especially in the South using sweet, endearing phrases suggestive of sugar melting in mouths. Although at times timid in my youth I was never one to keep quiet and go along with the crowd. I suspect those who did even decades ago were inwardly seething and stuffing their feelings as they chose a path of what appeared to be of the least resistance of safe choices. I used to believe this was only characteristic of females until the year the world changed and I watched in absolute shock and even disbelief of how many people of both genders in all cultures instead of following a path that probably had always been calling them, continued on a straight line of stuck and perhaps unfulfilled lives. Furthermore, I read their social media posts and heard statements verbalized of shifts happening but still the majority looked to me to be stuck in the old paradigm. Truly actions speak much louder than words!! Yes I know change can be scary but when we think and act as we always have, our reality of manifestation experiences what we always have gotten.

My opinion as an active proverbial cliff jumper who has many times in adulthood left my comfort zone to follow the path that not only beckoned me but screamed loudly that if I ( and we )stayed in a box created and forced upon by the old paradigm we would either become physically, emotionally, or mentally sick and/or become loud , unhappy, stressed verbal proponents of we must do life differently as we watch the destruction of humanity crumbling in front of us. Maybe people have to get gut wrenching angry to realize the path they are so entrenched in wearing the same old shoes of cemented quicksand of thoughts and ideas as they pretend to enjoy self imposed prisons of daily inner illusions is not working .

If you feel I am being extremely or even slightly judgmental perhaps the buttons I am pushing are only because your true path has been louder than your buying into the need to stay safe. Are you really safe? Long ago I heard it is never too late to have a happy childhood. My new mantra based on years of marching to the beat of my own drum is It is never too late to have a happy adulthood! Don’t create a new box…throw that box concept away, and risk following the path that summons you. You just might find when you jump off your cliff of ”safety” you will amazingly discover you had wings of freedom tucked inside your shoulders all along.

The Importance of Being Transparent

There was a time in my adult life that I held back from certain people who I really was. I would present myself one way with certain friends and colleagues, and hide parts of myself from others. When I speak of transparency I am referring to being honest and open. Many people are wrapped up in a illusive sandwich of perfection and looking/sounding good, even to their closest allies. Most likely their apprehension to be transparent is cloaked in insecure fears and a lack of trusting themselves . As a result their personal power is squashed in a field of fearing to be vulnerable, and a deep seeded mistrust within themselves.

The day I stepped off my cliff of what I thought was protection, I became aware I had claimed wings of authenticity, and simultaneously made the decision to be the same in all settings. I began speaking from my heart, and did not need to hide any aspects of myself as I once had believed were necessary.

As I am reflecting on how freeing being transparent really is, I am aware of a few people in my life who are still intimidated by this. Though it seems that they judge various aspects of my life that I freely share, it is really their self judgment they are projecting onto me. I am an intuitive people observer and I often view these people making ostentatious statements of what they know about the world, and even voicing facts they believe about me! I am aware this trait is only their self protection of their insecurities and lack of self trust. Knowing this is really what is going on within them prevents me from disliking or judging their actions. I only am aware of this because before I was transparent this is exactly how I behaved in the world!

As a transparent woman I am empowered to be my best advocate of personal truths and as a result I continually attract connections with people who not only trust me, but also value me. Not sure if it is the chicken-egg story of what came first…did I trust and risk myself to be vulnerable and transparent first or did I first attract people who were showing me being transparent and claiming core values in almost all areas of their lives was a message of being authentically real ? Most of my current tribe of close friends are those who do trust themselves, are transparent and vulnerable, and truly exude their authenticity. At times I am challenged by those who choose not to be this way, but believe in my heart perhaps they , too, one day will jump off their own proverbial cliff of what they perceive to be self protection, and become vulnerable, and maybe not be wound so tightly.

Long ago I learned to ask myself questions and these three questions really increase and validate my choice in being transparent :

  1. Is how I share and respond with people honoring who I have become?
  2. Does being vulnerable prevent me from trying to be a people pleaser?
  3. Does sharing the honest truth of who I am make me feel comfortable in my own skin?

Unearthing the hole of needing to hide was like finding a buried treasure and opened to me the truth that transparency is important and part of the me I always wanted to be but did not know where to start.

Claiming Peace In A Chaotic World

In the midst of global upheaval cloaked in suffering and chaos the Collective Consciousness is wrapped in fearful anticipations of what may be our future. Since mid 2020 I have watched as those in spiritual communities spouting their way is THE way, those in challenging medical situations, conspiracy believers, those who have lost hope, as well as visionaries who hold steadfast to the inner wisdom we of Humanity are experiencing the Great Re-Set. Intense emotions of hate, anger, fear, frustration, powerlessness, confusion, and sadness seem to block so many from a feeling of safety and inner serenity. How can we each resolve our struggle with finding inner peace?

Trust me when I tell you I am not blind to what is going on in the external world. However, having walked through a series of life altering situations that I was sure would not end in my own survival, I am a witness that claiming and owning inner peace is not only possible but is attainable for each of us. That being said, if we do what we have always done, we will get what we have always gotten.

I have come to believe that peace begins with the L, not lust, longing, or light. What I believe is , it is about love. The greater emphasis and actions I take in getting out of my head recycling my feelings and the Woe is Me Syndrome, and putting my focus on sharing unconditional compassion and love with others, the more it is possible to claim and experience peace. This is not easy, but when we make an intentional choice to surrender our fear and anger and allow what we think we understand to unfold in the present, we just might be amazed at how our internal world changes.

Practice makes progress has been my mantra for many years. Since I am still a human at times I forget what works so I take the time when in a place of peace to write on sticky notes and on paper my solutions.

1. Believing peace is my birthright, I can claim it in any moment. I say aloud..I claim peace. I have this phrase on notes I stick on the wall, in my car, and on my desk.

2. State and write those things I currently have in my life for which I can express gratitude.

3. Spend time alone with nature.

4. Accept what is , especially those things and people I have no control over.

5. Transmute and change my addictions into preferences. An addiction is any desire that results in my lack of contentment if and when it is not satisfied. Example: if I get emotionally bent out of shape when I expect someone to change a behavior and they don’t, then my addiction is to control and have others bow down and go along with my request and wishes.

6. Make effective use of willpower to choose positive thoughts, and when negative ones pop in, pause.. switch to those mental thoughts that bring me serenity and peace.

7. Be selective with the people , social media, and news you allow to filter into your mind and life. Practice saying No. Verbalize: I do not choose this at this moment.

8. Offer help to another or to an animal without expecting to receive anything back as a compensation. In other words, be of service.

You may discover by practicing some simple techniques that you have more control over your amazing self than you have previously thought, and why not, once you see what works, tell your solution to another!

The Power of Observation

So many look but do not see. In our busy worlds of experiences our attention often is focusing on that which is straight ahead as we hurry to our next destination and task. We humans were created with eyes to see but so many of us block what our senses perceive because our attention is wrapped around our electronic devices, our worries, recycling of mental old tapes, and living either in our past or jumping into what we think will occur in the future.

The ancient cultures knew how to tap into and use the power of observation to create amazing works of architecture, art, literature, and blend science with the natural world . Our ancestors knew being critically observant was crucial to survive! We have forgotten what observation can show us!

By re-learning the practice of observation even the most routine and mundane aspects of life awaken our sleeping abilities to creatively view others, objects, and events. The power of observation when practiced create new neural pathways within our brain!

Benefits those who are highly observant are increased interpersonal listening skills, better readers of the body language of others, demonstrators of mindfulness, increased organizational skills ( because everything is noticed!), a stronger sense of orientation of personal space (as in remembering where your car is parked), strong analytical abilities, and being amazing sources of multi- modalities of accurate information!

Need practice? Slow down and smell the roses! Go out in nature and use all your senses to observe details of what you see, hear, touch, and smell. Then take these skills into your environment.

The power of observation will empower each of us to return to that curious , alert, and attentive human we were created to be!

Nature Is Waiting To Teach Us But Are We Listening?

I think I knew from my earliest childhood memory that nature was available to me for internal calming. No matter how many times old insecurities pop up when I am making every effort to do adulting as a together child of the sixties, it never fails to amaze me that the misplaced key to unlock my frustrations is walking through that magical portal of Nature and the Natural World!

My arrogant ego mind will try to convince me that I can figure out some brilliant strategy to step off the insecurity treadmill of not being good enough, not making the right decisions and choices, or looking in a mirror and seeing a flawed, distorted body image instead of the beautiful goddess reflecting back to me. Incredibly , I can escape my old tapes , my false beliefs and connect with nature, and come back home to discover I have been transformed into a lovely being comfortable in her own skin once again!

Nature , I know, is the greatest teacher in existence! She offers the ability to be at peace even during a ravishing storm. She demonstrates repeatedly how to be comfortable with herself as she is. She voices she does not have to be in a rush to evolve and change yet reaches her accomplished goals. She helps us remember beauty and incredible visual images do not have a price tag . She grants peace in the presence of all our real and imagined troubles with unconditional love, without asking for something in return. She proves again and again size does not determine greatness as she shows an airborne floating dandelion floret or the magnified expression of a snowflake.

The next time you look at the changed world as out of control and unfair, try walking away from your electronic devices and step into the magical world of nature and watch your problems melt into glorious transitions of the beauty that only nature has a way of transforming your angst into awe.

Nature is always waiting on human interactions and it pleases her so when we actually take the time to listen and experience freedom of internal joy. Are we listening?

Stop Looking Outside Of Yourself For Your Security

Have you ever been doing your practices and activities that work to keep you in balance only out of the blue those inner demons jump out with pitchfork in hand, poking holes in your happiness? I truly believe in these times, and I can be just as guilty as the rest of you, that I have bought into the illusion and deception that my self worth, my inner security, my being comfortable in my own skin is to be found by going to people/situations/things outside of myself! There I go searching everywhere for bread crumbs of validation, love, and contentment just so I can feel I matter, I am good enough, and I am amazing! That old tape has once again whispered to me that attention from a current or potential romantic partner, spending money on some piece of art, getting 15 likes on my social media post, or my co workers or friend telling me how special I am will be the key of my missing link to fulfill those times of feeling less than, rejected, or inferior.

Way back in my precious childhood I depended on my caregivers and others and any sense of rejection or invalidation felt like the fatal stabbing of my vulnerable heart. Because many of us were repeatedly hurt, rejected, and insecure (because we did not have the handbook to be powerful warriors yet) we carried feelings of shame and guilt into adulthood with skewed perceptions of who we really were. I am not here to blame any of those in authority roles for I truly believe they each did the best they could in raising us. They did not have the handbook either! However, until we find solutions to embrace our emotional wounds and claim compassion for ourselves, we often run around seeking approval and validation from especially others. When we carry this insecure need like a sack of rocks dragging behind us and heavily on our shoulders, we search outside of ourselves for the answers. The downside to believing others can fulfill us and make us feel good about who we are is we are allowing them to determine our self worth. The consequence is we do not trust our own opinions, thoughts, and feelings . We claim in our internal sanctum others have our answers and know more then we do and their ideas are more meaningful than our own. Over repeated periods of time of carrying around this false truth, we present as needy and beg for validation outside of ourselves crying for THEM to announce we are okay!! The magical answer, however, my friends, is we each have within us the power to validate ourselves! There are times we do remember this, and we walk through our journey in this thing called life, feeling proud, contented, and inspired of the Who we have involved into and become.

Perhaps if we knew some things that will pull us out of the hole we have dug and climbed into we would experience less the need to go outside of ourselves for our self approval and self validation. We could:

  • Accept our emotions and feelings without judgement as each comes up.
  • Remember our feelings are not who we are. Feelings come and go and are always temporary. Breathe-accept and acknowledge feelings-exhale- move forward.
  • Affirm your authentic true self with statements such as: I am worthy. I am much more than my accomplished performed acts and my experienced failures or setbacks. I trust my inner wise person within as my intuition gives me insightful messages. I do not have to like everyone and everyone does not have to like me. We each do and will make mistakes that we can see as opportunities from which to grow.
  • Change your inner self talk to words and expressed communications as if you were talking to a close friend. What would you tell him/her in a similar situation?

Each time we practice giving ourself validation, self love, compassion, and acknowledging our own worth it is yet another insurance marker in lifting ourselves up and helping to need less going outside of ourselves to find our personal truth. I believe with all my heart and soul we each are so worthy and amazing. We just forgot to remember! We could even go a step further and remind one another of this !