Confronting Your Hidden Internal Self To Become Your True Amazing Self

I am an observer …of my own thoughts and actions, and of those demonstrated by others. Lately I have noticed a greater influx of people naming their religious or spiritual Saviors . It is almost as if many claim to be devout -this or that- but continue to carry life time beliefs, unresolved issues, prejudices, wounds, and shadows. Fears, depressive moods, and feelings of not being comfortable in their own skins while quoting religious books and prophets seem rampant…more in the present day than ever before. Often the same people shout they have surrendered to the Divine or Spirit yet continue to display words and actions of not being at peace within themselves and relationships with others. Just as a garden or a landscaped yard becomes overgrown with weeds hiding the true beauty of nature, refusal to be willing to start and/or maintain inner work blocks any of us from becoming and being happy, free, and Consciously Awakened people. Many are more comfortable with pointing the long fingers of blame at those they label the problem “enemies” or “wrong thinkers” who do not believe as they do, who do not live life according to the finger pointer’s demands, and who cause more anxiety and fears to escalate inside the thoughts of these “blaming others” people who refuse to put into practice inner work.

Convinced these same people do not feel the need to look within because their “faith” or their “got it all under control ” ideas are all they need, make up much of the disconnected , confused, angry, and frustrated population right now on the planet. You may recognize some of them or even yourself by these symptoms:

*Always people pleasing * Low self esteem *Lacking self confidence * Self critical and disempowering negative self talk *Feelings of hopelessness about the world and Self *Repeated mistakes in choices and decisions *Challenged with levels of anxiety and panic *Poor sleep patterns * Chronic health challenges (that you call what happens as a person ages) *Re-occuring instances of sadness or high levels of anger *Experiencing dark nights of the soul. *Difficulties trusting yourself or others *Strong emotional triggers keep coming up *Feeling lost at the place in life you find yourself *Lacking motivation *Constant stress and worry over your life and/the world as it is *Frequently telling others how to live their life and getting stressed when they do not follow your ideas and actions *Frequently irritated by others’ behaviors *Lacking direction and focus * Feeling overwhelmed *Disenchanted with others *Unable to forgive and move on from those who hurt them in the past *Chronically Tired *Loss of interest in those things that used to offer passion and a reason to get up out of bed *Sense that of not being where one wants to be in personal relationships, work, or leisure activities *Attachment to personal suffering : telling and re-telling the same story repeatedly of past experiences to anyone who will listen or even in their own thoughts

Avoiding introspection of going within to come face to face with what has never gone away but is in reality lurking in the internal depths scares many. Inner self examination takes courage, time, and dedication to uncover past woundings that may include all types of abuse, stored trauma, and emotional pain…the kind of pain that has been stuffed deeply into the subconscious mind since childhood!

Inner work is not glamorous and not especially easy when initiated but it is a keystone and portal to awakening to an inner freedom that can introduce oneself to the amazing aspects of true self ….aspects that many dare not even dream about! The treasure grove of inner work offers many elements not only transforming one’s own life but transforms the personal relationships surrounding you too!

Here is a starting place for this work: First it will be necessary to identify behaviors that are actually patterns that block us from achievement of goals …goals and intentions that can empower specific changes. Starting with a simple goal is a great beginning. Examples may be opening to your creativity, improving your partnership or relationship with someone, starting or even creating a business or career, or finding what feeds your soul.

Once you can identify your patterns or blocks (often by consciously listening to negative and self defeating self talk), it is possible to re-state stale and archaic beliefs by re-programming them into positive ones. Create new and light-filled mantras such as I claim my ability to be creative and see myself expanding my horizons daily. Keep listening to your new ideas as you fuel them from your visions and dreams into reality.

Continue reading inspirational books, writing in a journal, walking in nature and the wilderness, and practicing mindful meditation to enlarge your inner work. Chances are you will see your own transformation that is ongoing and only strengthens your self esteem and self love!

Of course, if you need the help and support of professional coaches, therapists, or mentors do not hesitate to reach out. You deserve to step into your true essence and amazing self that has been hidden from you all your life! How exciting your journey can be!

“Hold yourself back, or heal yourself back together. You decide.” -Brittany Burgander

“Who you want to be is already inside of you waiting for you to confront who you are and tag them in to help you win the battle of the mind” – Sanjo Jendayi

Have You Cleared Your Old Patterns Or Is Your History Repeating Itself?

This week two events mirrored my willingness to look at my old patterns of behavior in relationships. History repeating itself! One was the war and chaos in the Middle East. The other was this weekend being a Solar Eclipse -New Moon in Libra. The last time the Solar Eclipse-New Moon was in Libra was October, 14, 2004. It is my belief that the outer world often reflects our own inner world. When we repeatedly re-create patterns with the same people (or the same person with another face), unless we have healed and had our old patterns transformed, we will get what we always gotten when we practice what we have always done . It may seem we are not repeating the same patterns because that sweet Honeymoon Period is being experienced, and unless we have changed and surrendered old patterns for more effective, conscious ones that old feeling of distress, conflict, and being uncomfortable in our own skin will show its old familiar and dysfunctional face before long. This New Moon Eclipse occurring on the weekend of October 14, 2023 in the Sign of Libra is calling us each to evaluate and inventory where we are truly in balance throughout each of the areas of our lives. Before I move on with this reflection I want to ask you what themes were present for you around October 2004? The themes in our lives of October , 2023 may not be exactly the same, but they are most likely paralleling …if we are honest.

You might ask yourself why would we repeat old patterns of behavior in relationships that did not work in the past. It is less about our moral justifications of being right or wrong, and more to do with how our human brains are wired. According to one study our neural pathways are programmed to pull up a past mistake (in a personal relationship, on the job, or in a financial decision) , and our brain takes that journey down the preoccupation, maybe even obsession, as to why and where did we not get it right before. In order for our “brilliant” brain to change its course, choosing a different route takes much work! Many times we repeat what we find familiar even though it is not really working ! Our coping skills wrapped in beliefs are sometimes patterns we learned in childhood when we were living with vulnerability and brains that were not completely developed. We carry an illusion believing we deserve to suffer . This is sandwiched in internalized shame, leading us to own and claim failed relationships, low self esteem, and more shame in adult relationships. Add to this the factual truth that our learned patterns are passed on generationally !

When our nervous system is overwhelmed with unhealthy stress we feel powerless, out of control with our bodies full of adrenaline. No wonder it is so difficult to live differently! This in part is evidence of how our brain is wired! But there is hope!

I have used the mantra “practice makes progress” for years in all areas of my life. This does not mean I ever live my life perfectly! When I woke up from my personal denial it was always “them” who had the issues , and began to see how I often repeated my patterns in most relationships it was a light bulb moment.

I began listening, really listening to my thoughts, and asked myself what beliefs was I still carrying that just were not serving me, that were no longer working? Looking back on my life I reflected on when I was 11 years old and my Mother went to work, I was taught to cook and do the laundry. That very act a pattern was born that said If I do things for others they will accept and love me ! I grew into adulthood with this belief and instead of asking for what I needed in relationships, I falsely pretended to know what others needed, and did it for them! It took a long time for me to change this belief. Now I know it has great benefit to do things for others, but when I was always doing everything in a relationship for what I thought the other needed and never asking or stating what I needed it created dysfunction in the partnership.

Once we honestly recognize the roots of what is not working (our part!!!) , we can surrender the energetic pattern-memory that always triggers us to return to former patterns driven by our feelings and emotions. There are multitudes of ways to surrender the baggage we have been dragging into each of our relationships…..journaling, EFT (tapping), neurolinguistic programming, working with a coach, etc. Research and try different approaches to find what works for you.

Next, be willing to learn new techniques in communications with others, self esteem and confidence in ourselves in relationships, learning to verbalize aloud our needs, and respecting and honoring where the other person is coming from…not where we think they need to be! To have success with these things I needed to learn, practice, inventory, re-assess, and be willing to ask for help when needed. One of the tools I use every once in a while is to write out new sacred contracts. These help me to set intentions and to follow through in practice. I have learned daily to start my day with a specific intention for that day. This helps me to stay focused throughout the day, and when I get triggered and off track, I listen to the messages of my body (the body cannot lie EVER) and start my day over with my original intention.

The bottom line is this: we can either do our inner work or stay stuck in re-cycling old patterns that do not work , that keep us stuck in conflict internally with what turns out to be the same relationship with a different face who are all the former exes we probably blamed for toxic partnerships. Most importantly, I have come to believe in my heart that relationships in all areas come to teach me more about myself. I used to believe two aspects..either the new partnership needs me to fix them and do for them what they will not do for themselves (ha ha) or the partnership offers me something I do not believe I already have within myself. Neither aspect is valid or true. Acceptance, tolerance, love, and practicing new ways to do old things really works! I find being balanced keeps me from falling down into a hole of despair and hopelessness, and being comfortable in my own skin empowers the best version of myself to show up in all my relationships.

“Life is balance of holding on and letting go.” – Rumi

Choosing To Exhale Your Stale In A Powerful October 2023 Eclipse Month

So many people are walking around holding in the stale imbalance of patterns and beliefs that block , prevent, and add to internal suffocation of the imbalance in life. The truth is these stale patterns often drain many and are self sabotaging demonstrations of stress linked to anxiety, depression, and physical issues of fatigue and other medical conditions.

In order to exhale these stale and ineffective patterns it will require our personal willingness to break through the denial that they were self created and acknowledging each is the first step to releasing them for the transformational alchemy to manifest in our daily routines, connections with all relationships, and i,n experiencing a state of being comfortable in our own skin.

Stale stagnation is a direct byproduct of not having and claiming anything or very little in life that motivates us to step off the hamster wheel of stress onto the merry go round of a balanced life . Perhaps a choice resulting in imbalances may be because one takes on too many things that not even a SuperHero could not get done , feeding the mind-body with fatigue and exhaustion on a daily basis. Instead of enjoying challenges to help inner growth, the mind becomes stuck in the recycling of negative thoughts as self esteem takes a deep dive resulting in the “never good enough” old belief to take over not only in the awakened moments but also entering our dreams in the form of nightmares. When we refuse to see what is really going on we will make no efforts to change and our closest relationships comrades, and our own inner being will miss the authentic person we really are. We become stuck as if held in this whirlwind of our foundation in quicksand! Furthermore , we begin emotionally distancing from pleasurable friendships , feel restless-irritable-discontented with life, and begin dreading experiences we used to enjoy more often than we are looking forward to many of them.

The optional choice as I see it is to remain in burnout mode or embrace the red flags as an opportunity to shed our old skin, refresh and recalibrate into that which nourishes us to exhale and relax into a happier state of being!

Gathering up our cornucopia of pleasurable abundant ideas of a better way to bring in balance we might think about and act upon a few things:

  • Take that much needed break from personal, work, and social commitments . Even if you feel you cannot take a whole day off, take 5-10 minutes to do something that makes you laugh…a real belly laugh…listen to meditative, calming musical tones, or just hum a single vibrational tone of a single vibration.
  • Practice saying “NO”. No is a complete sentence. If a task in your group, family, or job is not going to get done unless you volunteer to do it, ask yourself how important is this in the long run if I do not offer to take it on.
  • Create and enforce personal boundaries. Instead of getting mad or overwhelmed at someone who repeatedly asks you to do something for them that they are very capable of doing for themselves, tell that person you need your space and free time right now, and perhaps they can look up that information on the internet or make their own lunch.
  • Make a list of things that feed your passions and each day pick one and do it!

The more we do those things that nourish us and make us feel good combined with tasks we feel we need to take care of, the more in balance we are. When we are more balanced, we don’t feel a need to hold our breath out of frustration and anxiety, and we feel the power of the EXHALE!

Cultivating A Different Mindset

Like many I have had periods of overwhelm, joy, losses of different kinds, self doubting and anxiety situations, and amazing surprises that have fed my soul! In my younger adulthood I carried a belief which later I discovered was false that when I was experiencing a set of not so great monkey wrenches thrown into my life that I would feel pulled down into the depths of darkness and stay there forever. Over time, and it took practice, I shifted my thinking. This was not a sudden shift, but it was revolutionary and shook apart my old way of perceiving what I labeled negative events. I have heard for a long time if I change my thoughts my reality changes. Easy , but I can complicate anything with my overthinking that sneaks in to take control of my visionary, seeing the world with a new set of glasses personality.

You may ask why would anyone want to change their mindset especially if that seems to be a challenging task. I am not suggesting we become a world of Pollyannas or Stepford People, denying reality. Acknowledging emotions of sadness, frustration, confusion , or disappointment , to me is necessary. Remaining in my prior stuck reaction to them is a choice. What has worked for me is learning new ways of doing old things. Guess what? This is the world we find ourselves in today. The old way of living our lives quit working, and we can either resist changing to innovative perceptions and solutions to situations or we can creatively design a new blueprint that involves stepping off our treadmill of “I know what to do” onto the sidewalk of flowing revolutionary steps of creating a different mindset. There is no longer a cookie cutter approach that will work .

Modifying my mindset led to peace of mind, being comfortable in my skin, and tweaking my modus operandi by:

  • Embracing change as a catalyst to internal peace. This has meant at times changing jobs even careers, moving to a new area, changing friends, and quite often changing how and what activities I spend my day and nighttime (for me stillness and connecting with nature was the answer.)
  • Working with a coach for support, talking with a trustworthy friend, and journaling about my feelings and perceptions has had amazing results . I don’t need anyone to fix me…I need to be heard without judgement and to hear myself express what I feel and think.
  • Daily setting intentions after mindful meditation and aligning with Nature and Divine Source has become the way I begin my day. There is magic in setting intentions that catapults me into activating concrete and tangible steps. Void of my old way to insist vehemently on controlling what I set, I can also change my intentions when they are no longer working…even in a 12 hour period of a day! I am more frequently now noticing if the old C for Control mindset sneaks in. However, still have not graduated to perfection so I keep practicing daily.
  • Listening to my sabotaging self talk and re-programming it with positive statements has empowered me to change those old beliefs that created self suffering because they did not work then, and certainly will not work now .
  • I am a visual learner so coming up with mental graphics such as turning the dial, pressing the switch to positive solutions (once I identify the old negative ones) , and visualizing seeing new codes of light that radiate all the way into each part of my body, mind, and spirit has demonstrated evidence to my smiling heartstrings I can shift my mindset at any moment.

Has it been easy to cultivate a new mindset? No. I have walked through repeating old patterns and thought I was failing at my attempts to change. Quitting my efforts would only be my old way of “I have to get this right or I won’t keep trying syndrome” Believing Practice makes progress and being a stubborn, rebel child with undying persistence has opened a new world where I followed the breadcrumbs left along the trail of New Possibilities . That trail is what myths are made of and those fairytales of magic really can come into fruition if only I and you believe we can shift.

“Magic is believing in yourself. If you can do that, you can make anything happen.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The Adventures Awaiting When We Embrace The Unknown

I was born loving the magical element of Change. Most people want to maintain the familiar, the status quo, the predictable. Even though I often state I love change I do get that rush of adrenaline when change happens. I also have this little Fear-Girl who lives somewhere in my belly that gets twinges of resistance when change happens, but that has never completely stopped me from wanting to jump out of my routine existence. I think the mystery of wanting to tap into the unknown reminds me when I was a kid believing a monster was hiding under my bed, me wanting to peek to see if it was, being scared to look, but trembling with fear…leaning down and looking anyway!

My upbringing was pretty much routine so I did not inherit this trait from my family of wanting to be a risk taker and experience adventures. Maybe because I was born with strong intuition as a visionary, different from many peers, wanting to get the rush that comes jumping out of my skin when I came across mystically strange things that I welcome the unknown, most of the time. Then I have this conflict…in spite of relishing change part of me wants to know not how things are going to happen, but wanting to know how people and situations are going to behave and act when things change! I have carried this illusion for much of my life that I am supposed to know ahead of time how they and it will unfold before the actual event arrives! One of the greatest gifts that came to me when the world changed in 2020 was the truth that I do not know how anyone or anything is going to respond or unfold in a future time…be it 10 minutes, a year, or a decade from now. Thus, the secrets of the unknown is hidden from me. Especially in the last three years I have begun to embrace knowing I don’t know, and instead of trying to Control the uncontrollable I return repeatedly to this place of accepting the magical aspects of embracing the unknown! My exception usually though is still wanting to know if my romantic interest, whoever that happens to be at the time, will still be fascinated with my uniqueness. That issue…will continue to manifest in the future!

My creative personality that chooses to embrace the unknown has evolved to shift sandwiched by a few points:

  • Everything is temporary even though we may want it to be permanent. We fear that things will not last forever, and they will not! Once I can change my mindset into accepting this fact with the mantra “This to shall pass” I am a bit more comfortable with the walking into the unknown.
  • Times I have come face to face with the need to surrender old ways of doing my life because how I am doing it just is not working I initially have that Fear-Girl show up as I wonder….but who will I be if I let go of this or them? However, my own history provides evidence to me to that letting go of my old ideas, ways, and attachments always has been a path of Light with more authenticity and an even better version of myself.
  • Those situations , those losses, those unpredictable life, health, financial, love situations that happened when the Universe threw an unexpected Monkey Wrench at me (*ahem * without by the way asking my permission or approval) that I actually survived through them and climbed out of the quicksand of the experience proved how resilient I really am in the face of the Unknown.

My inner obstacles all have been wrapped around with my trying to live in the past that already happened or the future that may never get here, my overthinking that just makes me crazier, my lack of believing in the ability of myself to handle anything that comes my way, or my resistance in embracing that stepping out of my comfort zone will lead to greater contentment.

When I embrace the unknown as something magical and something I have absolutely no control over, it gets pretty exciting to see how it shows up, to be my own witness of new possibilities , and to allow myself to be open to amazing wonders I never saw coming! I think I will keep canoodling with the unknown and jump off the next proverbial cliff with my arms outstretched as I fly with the wind, carrying my little Fear-Girl in a safe pouch inside me laughing all the way to the next destination of my journey in this thing I call my Sacred Life.

Creating Authentic Connections

It has taken me long periods of practice to journey that long distance: the one from the head to my heart of understanding and accepting how to nurture and create authentic connections . I believe all human beings, rather introverted or extraverted, have a craving for connections with others. Just being with other people does not automatically guarantee we have genuine bonds that fill our needs. Scientific and psychological research has proven that we each need to have connections in which we have reciprocal relationships where we are seen, heard, and valued so we can share our thoughts and feelings for the purpose of not feeling alone in the world. It seems to me that social media has many times replaced other types of interactions in which our need to feel joy, camaraderie , intimacy, and support when going through challenges of life has taken a back burner in our human experience.

My experience is my choice to reach out to connect with others has required courage on my part. Being vulnerable with another does not take away the initial feelings of anxiousness with butterflies in my stomach flying around but over time with practice I have come to feel safe and comfortable with those special friends and kindred spirits. However, in order to enjoy these relationships it has been necessary to discover who I really am..not the false sense of me who had different roles with different people or the inauthentic me who felt she had to wear a mask to fit in. It seems most likely until we know the internal and external authentic “real” us we will not be able to align with others who will always have our back. When we know really who we are, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt what is important to us.

Only after owning my self authenticity have I been able to move forward with my internal intentional choices of the kinds of personal relationships I desire and weeding out who is not worthy to be part of my tribe. Repeatedly I have observed that when I show up with honest intentions those with less than good intentions usually sooner more than later walk out the exit door of my life.

Of equal importance is allowing myself to be vulnerable in my relationships. By my opening the door of vulnerability I am creating an atmosphere for the other to also be open. This is how trustworthy authentic connections are formed and maintained.

Demonstrating evidence we are worth the nurturing investment as we set intentions to understand, share honestly, and support each other in all areas of our lives adds to our self esteem as we establish and grow together in lasting bonds with those we honor and respect. Creating authentic connections and releasing the inauthentic ones continues to flavor my human condition with a deeper sense of meaning and belonging.

Finding Our Way In Midst Of Transitions

There have been a few times in my life in which it seemed one change after another took over . During these times I do not remember requesting to experience this metamorphosis beforehand. However, for much of my adult life I have been that proverbial cliff jumper in which I just could not sit still in my day to day routine life. I think it has much to do with the fact I was born a visionary. You may ask what does being a visionary have to do with becoming a proverbial cliff jumper? To me having the mindset of a visionary involves wanting to make the world just a little bit better with my internal dedication that is fueled with my passions pushing me past my comfort zone. I never had to think outside of the box because even as a child I threw away what others’ conception of a box was and created my own version that fit me. By the way my box version is always changing too!

This year and it is only into the sixth month according to the calendar major changes have jumped into my life. So far six people I knew and loved have died, a major connection that I thought was solid has modified into a rather intense alteration, and two people I thought highly of have ghosted me without warning. In addition, work opportunities have slowed to a crawl.

Even though I am usually one who always looks for the silver lining and signs from the Universe I made the decision to first ask what the heck is going on here? I am fortunate I have a small, yet powerful tribe of supporters that I trust and can be vulnerable with which I definitely used in the midst of this series of experiences.

I did keep getting the repeated message in my mindfulness meditations and walking in nature that it is a time of Evolutionary Re-Set and none of us can effectively do life and its components the way we have always done it. I already knew the whole world had turned topsy-turvy even before 2020 when things globally came to a screeching halt and it was evident in spite of my deepest desire to have some control over situations that I had no control over that some Cosmic Jokester had ripped the bandaid of the illusion control really is right off of my tender heart .

Clearly I had been catapulted into a new transitional phase of my life. What I know historically in my experiences is to feel my feelings, to acknowledge each as they come up instead of the old version of myself , the one who became a scared rabbit looking desperately for a hole to climb into and hide .Today I know to turn to Nature who always offers amazing solutions. Nature never gives up before the miracle of her re-birth as each changing season occurs. She welcomes each seasonal and unexpected environmental transitions with Grace and Honor knowing with each change comes a new awakened opportunity sandwiched in growth, stillness, dormancy, letting go, and blossoming.

Finding my way in this transition has had these elements: * Stop fighting the changes *Trust the Process * Allow and embrace new perspectives to emerge out of what appears to be chaotic *Be open to opportunities to do things in a new, different way letting go of the “but I always did it this way idea”, *Be vulnerable and ask those I trust to listen and accept their support *Breathe and exhale *Meditate and walk in nature *Exercise the body * Find time for self-reflection and *Do grounding techniques.

Yes, big life changes and especially when several come at once can be challenging, but there is always a Light at the end of the dark tunnel. Endings always are followed by new beginnings. Death and Re-birth are transformational experiences. We cannot bring back what has died or left but we can view the new with a different pair of glasses, if we are willing to align with what was and what is now. I will never be who I was but I am grateful to be who I have become.

When Things Seem To Be Falling Apart…

More than once in my life have I chosen to begin again or perhaps it was the Universe giving me the opportunity to do so! I cannot say which time was the most challenging, but I do know each time I wanted to be comfortable in my own skin in spite of circumstances around me completely out of my control.

Long ago I made the choice to be a proverbial cliff diver. Perhaps it was because routine has always bored me and I came out of the womb willing to be a risk taker. As a diver of various proverbial cliffs I have never been sure I would even survive landing but I sure could not avoid taking deep dives.

I observe many people wanting to believe living day to day in safe routines will prevent their worlds from crashing in only to go into shock when life throws them unexpected situations.
I do relish change. That does not mean I do not initially freak when it starts. After all I am still a human being with human emotions!

The cause of our respective world falling apart may be a single event or multiple ones showing up simultaneously: a loss of someone or a pet close to us, career upheaval, medical and/or mental health challenges, relationship breakups, or a pandemic that brings the whole world to a halt.

Through each of the times it felt like my world was falling apart : because it was!…after my initial stomping my feet and doing some loud primal screaming with mega tears, I embraced the situation as a Re-set.
When any of us are willing to reflect back to past familiarity of situations, we might wake up to the fact during our entire lives we had been given a trail of breadcrumbs left by our pathway Creator of a better destiny. It is always the journey, never the destination . We have a choice to remain stuck in negative emotions or find our way through the cobwebs of change .

My experience in re-sets and new beginnings is sandwiched in some things:

–Acknowledgement and allowing myself to feel the feelings instead of trying to run from them -Listening to the messages of my body for the body cannot lie -Eating nutritiously and exercising – Making a daily gratitude list of what is currently present in my life -Journaling creatively as thoughts, fears, joys, inner Divine messages that come up, and- Watching life magically unfold as I choose to live my Re-set differently

I have no idea how my journey will end but I do know I trust the process and refuse to give up in my belief that the next time I jump off a new proverbial cliff my wings will open and I will fly onto a new adventure called Freedom of Spirit.



Pulling Myself Up By My Bootstraps

There have been two significant times of the year throughout my life that major shifts and changes have occurred that keep repeating in cycles of time. One has been a series of Decembers. The other has been between Mid March to Mid April. Decembers : December,1977 Graduated with Bachelor’s Degree. December,1984 Graduated with Master’s Degree. Several Decembers made big geographical moves. March/April: March-April 1964 Awakened from recovery of double pneumonia that almost took my life. April, 1991 Participated in a therapy group for childhood trauma and almost 90% of then friendships walked away from me. No one was mad or upset..just one of those big changes for me. April, 2017 had a major brain bleed and hematoma with no symptoms with an out of body experience at 3 weeks post brain surgery requiring no rehab stay because of miraculous healing!

I started driving across the USA to Chaco Canyon, New Mexico on a solo retreat around February-March in 2015, and continued to make this solo trip yearly with the most recent one ending in March , 2023. This experience continues to change my life for the better! This year I had just returned from New Mexico, and changes that occurred when a person I thought was close to me had stopped returning any correspondences with me without giving me a reason and a person I considered a mentor died from an ongoing medical condition.

I allowed the feelings to surface both from huge internal shifts in consciousness and from losses of people from my life. The past week I have been doing deep inner work and processing all these events. As I have done in my past I felt the twinges of uncomfortableness within yet knew change is such a great catalyst for stepping further into my personal power and pushing of an increased visionary evidence of why I am alive at this time in the world. I had to find those proverbial bootstraps and pull myself up once again. Believe me I reached out to several of those I call my tribe, but when I am needing to find my bootstraps there is no human to call on for help as I must do this inner journey myself. Yes, I have the support of those I trust but there are times I think we each must rely on Divine Source and our own inner strength that is always waiting in the depths of our soul.

The world has definitely changed in the past few years. I think we each have a choice. We can become an ostrich ,head in sand, and ignore what is being revealed right in front of our eyes. We can become angry and regurgitate repeatedly what we see as unjust and unfair. We can allow our fear to permeate all our decisions and choices and dive deeply into depression with some of us using addictions to cope. OR we can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and embrace our inner strength that we were born with, becoming our own Ancestral Light that serves to radiate the Truth for ourselves as well as a beacon out of Darkness for others.

I am not content to sit back and let fear and anger rule my inner world. At one time I did not know a way out. Today my persistence and ongoing journey to becoming a better version of myself and a visionary leader in a confused world is the path I choose to take. Living in the moment, remembering I do not need to know how any of it will unfold continues to be the force that moves me forward. I am grateful I know I still have those bootstraps…sometimes they get hidden but they always are revealed to me if I do not give up before the absolute truth is revealed. This gives me hope, and I hope it offers you a ray of light if you find yourself in a darkened hallway.

Finally Letting Go Of Stale Things In Life

How often so many of us hold on to ideas, situations, people, and things we love. Over time we may have attached to different aspects that initially we claimed to love and adore. Our attachment often is sandwiched in emotional clinging and refusal to surrender and let go. I remember a poster I had in college that hung on the wall of my dorm room. It was a picture of a cat with big claw marks and the wording was “Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks on it”. As I reflect upon my past I can see how often life brought me jobs, people, ideas, things, etc. in order to offer inspirational opportunities that came to me for me to learn from and then move on. However, way too many times, I wanted to not let go, and as a result did not move forward with grace until I was able to wake up a bit in order to embrace many personal truths .

So many times I did not see the BIG PICTURE nor the forest for the trees. I wanted to cling madly to these things as if my life depended upon it. It took me a very long time, one filled often with pain due to my resistance in surrendering , for me to learn letting go is a major catalyst in my owning the gift of the opportunity of what showed up . Once I really wrapped my head around the personal truth that Divine Source or the Universe had presented me with this thing to learn and grow from I became very adept in releasing and surrendering. In my present life it has become much easier to let go without attaching emotions or my “claw marks” to most people, situations, and things. Maybe it became easier because I finally saw how much energy it took to hang on to things and people that no longer resonated with my core values or maybe it was because I finally began walking my talk of wanting to go with the flow in knowing letting go is a huge act of self love.

Accepting what is and is not in my highest good has taken lots of inner work . Several facets were revealed to me over time. Key were the following: forgiving myself for continuing to participate in situations that had long passed serving me that I kept being part of as well as a need to forgive others for their part (in my lessons!) when I perceived them to be the problem; willingness to accept the powerful experience from people-places-things by not holding onto any of it and allowing it to fuel my stepping forward into a better version of myself; allowing myself to feel and acknowledge the feelings attached to the experiences first, and then surrendering the players and props on the stage of the lesson presented ; grieving the loss of people and situations as part of the human experience when I finally let go; and practicing self care by having the things I have surrendered to be replaced with a deeper kind of self love. Practicing mindfulness meditation and becoming one with the natural world (nature, the great teacher) has brought forward so many of these gifts when and only when I set the intention to live my life differently than I had in the past.

When we refuse to let go of those things we know deep in our hearts that need to go, we will only keep recycling our pain and fear , staying stuck in the quicksand of being in the same place or attracting the same person with a different face. I have come to believe it is not loyalty and love to refuse to surrender a situation, idea, or person that is blocking me from the sunlight of the Spirit of my own happiness . I cannot grow and glow if I am staying attached to something I really have outgrown and learned from. Once I really get this..and it is a very long distance from my head to my heart , and I finally give up the fight and struggle, and claim “enough is enough”, surrender and not look back, I have given myself the proverbial key out of my self imposed cell of unhappiness . That key is called freedom and for me today freedom is a requirement to living a magical life. The exhale that came with this life of learning truly makes my heart sing, and I am excited to watch more amazing things to come!!!