As I reflect on my life I can pinpoint those times when I truly had specific goals and promises to myself I wanted to embody. Even though I knew I wanted to change and show evidence of actions I was consistently taking to align with my core values there was that abyss between my intentions and actually doing what I intended to do. There were multitudes of areas I wanted to improve: Fitness, Healthy Eating, and being who I aspired to be in all my relationships! I was the Queen of self help books, videos, and workshops of how to be another vision of myself. I could tell others what they needed to do to succeed. However, I kept falling short of becoming the ME I wanted to be for a very long time.
If I knew what I wanted to do in order to walk my talk what stopped me for so long? Believing hindsight is my greatest teacher, I can list now why I struggled at times. I set goals sandwiched on my “perfect” self rather than on my realistic skills at the time! I allowed emotional blocks..particularly doubting I could really change …to stop me. Instead of using the persistence and determination I now have embodied, for a long time I allowed my fears of failure and internal stress to prevent me from pushing through into new ways to be authentic and frequently climbed back under my rock of the familiar, comfortable habits I had always done! That did not help for it just triggered my Inner Critic who convinced me I was incapable of doing life differently. As a result, I was not who I wanted to be…YET. I carried the belief I could talk about changing all those areas I did not really like about myself rather than embracing the discipline required to undertake practices on a daily basis that were necessary solutions. If someone asked me what my practices were I would say ..”Well, I pray.” Prayer is a good thing but I have never seen Divine Source show me prayer without actions will work. I suppose I was hoping it would and apparently I believed I did NOT have to step out of my comfort zone into a better version of myself by doing the “work”.
How I began actually walking my talk was a major wake up call. In a moment of awakening I had a light bulb moment that what I claimed as my core values of integrity, emotional self honesty, and courage were not actually equalling how I acted when life threw me a monkey wrench of challenging changes..even comfortable experiences!!! This internal conflict created something I could no longer ignore and avoid..a desire to change so strong I could no longer continue doing what I had always done expecting different results. The push of this force pushed me right into the portal of coming face to face with my Authentic Self!
Instead of putting more time and energy into my incessant and life long need to gather knowledge from books, philosophical concepts, and overthinking about how to live differently to become comfortable in my own skin, I began visiting experiencing and practicing WALKING that old talk in routine, daily choices!! As a result I started saying no thank you to those things no longer aligned with who I was becoming. I allowed myself the time and sacred space of integrating these major shifts of consciousness. I observed myself consistently choosing internal harmony over external expectations of others and even my culture.
Today when I find myself slipping back to thinking about or practicing those old ways that kept me stuck and unhappy with myself, I practice self -forgiveness, and acknowledge my personal truth of the Real Me ..and anoint my Awakened Self with energetic confetti . A wise person once told me once awake it will be very hard to go back to sleep. Therefore Walking my Talk with dignity, self love, and Grace is a blessing that every step, even the fearful and painful ones , I had to take to get to where I am today was worth it!!
“If you cannot prove it by your actions, you did not mean it.”- Murad S. Shah
” Talk your talk, walk your walk, dance your dance, speak your truth, and be yourself.” -Aiyaz Uddin
