Much of my life was focused on the belief I need to be of service and give to others. Anytime someone was struggling, experiencing challenges of any kind, and in need I was there to give totally of myself. It took me a long time and an honest appraisal of who I really am to have the heart knowledge the relationship with myself makes possible all that is good in life and is the most intimate relationship I or anyone will ever have.
When we enter into a sacred contract or commitment with another we make the choice to vow to be there through the good times, the challenging times, listening and offering of ourselves but how many of us make a vow to honor, love, and offer self care to ourselves?
You may be already thinking that of course you value and honor yourself. A quick self appraisal will give you evidence if this is truth. It may be helpful to look at Avoidance Areas. Avoidance is a learned and often habitual coping strategy. It is sandwiched in those areas making us feel uncomfortable in our own skin that we choose not to look at creating an atmosphere of finding distractions. Instead of giving our precious selves self love, self care, and self compassion we may jump at the chance to offer help and assistance (often when it is not requested) to anyone or anything before we even consider what our self needs.
A few self avoidance areas:
You wake up in the morning and know each time you choose to meditate you feel more focused and grounded. Instead you roll over and sleep another 20 minutes and when you wake up again you jump up and go turn on your computer to check for texts or emails. Self talk in your head jumps in at some point saying I should meditate but cannot find the time.
You feel more centered when you add creativity to your day such as journaling, painting, dancing, singing a song, looking at art. Instead you call your friend who is always in chaos and despair because you know you can help her feel better. Your needs to be creative can wait until later but later always seems to get filled up with other situations.
You feel a bit stressed and out of sync because you have so many responsibilities and that pile of bills you have not even opened yet. You know if you would take 20 minutes to grab that yoga mat tucked away in the closet and do a few poses with breathing exercises you would be back in your body instead of your head, but no time now…gotta run to the store to pick up your groceries and see if your partner needs something before rushing out the door.
You feel a bit resentful over something your sibling or friend said to you last night and start the self talk in your thoughts if you were kinder and more accepting instead of being selfish and not wanting to listen to what they said, you would be a better , more loving friend or sibling. You could get in touch with that person and talk it out but you decide it may not turn out well so you decide to go to the thrift store and buy things you don’t really need.
Not having a healthy relationship with yourself often results in feeling not good enough, feeling you are not worthy, and is clearly a Bright Red Flag that you are disconnected from yourself! When you are familiar with that frequent critic in your head it may be a challenge to start developing a good self relationship. If that describes you, start slowly and from a place where you feel you are existing with only one or two new habits or routines.
Starting with reflecting on the area of your life you are most NOT honoring your needs. Write it down and decide what simple changes you can make. Often it will be to set personal boundaries with others. Look at where you feel tired and drained. For example, you do not allow yourself to get enough sleep if you have received a text or phone call late at night..opt instead for going to bed!
Practice the next time you are being unkind and critical to yourself, claim and acknowledge the shame you are forcing on yourself , and ask your Internal Self how you can give yourself self love in the moment. If that is difficult, imagine you are talking with your best friend and what you would suggest they do in a similar situation.
Make a Sacred Commitment every day to one healthy habit with yourself. Pick just one of only 10-15 minutes. Imagine if you have a friend who makes plans with you and at last minute always backs out. This is resonant of the same behavior when you choose not to enlarge and create a healthier relationship with yourself. Examples: Walk for 10 minutes; Meditate for 5 minutes; Take yourself on an artist date to view architecture in your town for 10 minutes, etc; This will inspire and assist you in building blocks of how you relate and embrace the relationship with yourself after a period of time practicing!
Keep in mind consistency and sticking with your efforts will eventually create a better relationship with yourself , and will be a stepping stone to creating better relationships with everyone. At this very moment your future authentic self is throwing energetic confetti over your head in gratitude!!!
“A strong relationship with yourself allows you to cultivate the most loving relationships that you desire in life”- Michelle Maros , Co-Founder of Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life
Jaguarwind 