Do You Go Out Of Your Way To Be The Nice One?

I am relatively sure I came into this world as a rebel, asking direct questions to every person who crossed my path in order to discover what was not being spoken. Part of that motive was because from birth I have been very intuitive to the point I literally see the energies of words spoken, and always knew when a person was holding back some information and/ or knew what was spoken did not exactly align with a person’s thoughts or body language. I thought either the person was being dishonest or they thought it was not safe to divulge their true thoughts with me. I cannot remember a time , even when I was four years old, that I did not think it was my right to uncover the person’s hidden motives. I have never been great at being diplomatic when I wanted answers!

What I later came to understand is those who practice conflict avoidance really are demonstrating deep rooted people pleasing behaviors grounded in a lifetime of fear of upsetting another! People who go to great lengths to keep the peace at all costs probably have baseless expectations of the other person reacting negatively toward them. In other words, the people pleasing- conflict avoider does not trust stating their wants, needs, opinions, or beliefs is safe so they came across as this sweet, super nice person with friends, partners, co-workers, supervisors, even their medical practitioners….going to great lengths to be sure not to cause dissension! In reality, unless the other is also a people pleasing- never rocking the boat communicative partner this person will ignore an issue, avoid a conversation, and change the subject…all avoiding and most likely stuffing their feelings as they look into their proverbial internal mirror and see a reflection of Miss or Mr. nice person!

The bottom line is this person puts on a fake smile, negatively affects many interpersonal relationships, increases the risk of developing depression/anxiety/ other medical conditions..and results in a prevention of intimacy.

When a person becomes willing to stand up for themselves by stating their true feelings, and opinions about any subject, a shift happens. When that person takes a risk to be the same in almost all situations instead of playing roles in different settings, their throat chakra begins opening because of authentic communications , and the possibilities of deeper, intimate relationships can transform. It is really about making vulnerable connections in speaking our truth.

Personally, I enjoy nurturing relationships with people who show they are listening, who give me the opportunity to hear their truth, who align with similar values, and who are not afraid to agree equally with disagreeing on a variety of topics.

In my mind and in the vision I carry for a different world. disagreeing with another is a keystone to understanding another. When we each face our fears and speak what is in our hearts, we have a closer alliance with being unified. Just because we do not always agree with each other is not a justification for exiting a relationship. That being said, I will tell you those who repeatedly feel the need out of insecurity and apprehensions to not speak up and who are in fear of telling me how they really feel inside create questions in my mind of the value of the relationship, and I do weigh the pros and cons of staying or leaving. As with other awarenesses that come to the surface in our search for being the best version of ourselves, practice makes progress, but first has to come the admission of what is needing tweaking and recalibration.