It took me many years, courage, and deep inner work to even begin to desire to practice and live as an authentic communicator. Since I have awakened to more of my personal truth I have noticed often, perhaps surprisingly, more people of high levels of intelligence and users of great vocabularies avoid speaking and writing from an authentic space. Of course, intelligence and education is not always a prerequisite to effective communication. Believe me, I understand the avoidance of authentic communication ! It is almost habitual with many to lapse into the hole of assumptions, fear projecting, and shaming others to convince respective egos of self worth. I would like to suggest seeing individual self truths forces humans to dive deeply into places most feel more comfortable hiding from themselves. I get it ! Most would rather follow the path of either pointing fingers at others or simply remaining within their perceived comfort zones rather than venture into the uncovering of scary monsters stuffed deeply in their proverbial closets. What in reality hiding in those closets are personal truths, potential authenticity, and years of covered up insecurities . The unspoken fears so many run from is because our inner sage voices in the quietest of moments tells us that if we get gut level honest we are aware we will have to become completely accountable, and accept the illusion of control in attempts in telling others what they need to be doing which is only denial that the only person we ever have control over is the reflection we see in a mirror… ourselves.
What we each really crave is the ability and experience to connect authentically with others! Once we awaken to this crucial truth, we will become willing to put on our Warrior Armor, sword in hand, and pull out each of those dark shadowy gremlins out into the open. As we open the creaking door of that dark closet, out will start tumbling the pile of ineffective false beliefs, low vibrational energies of fears, anxieties, insecurities, and unresolved grief.
When ready it is best starting gradually without taking out our inner two by four of self deprecating , critical judgements. Use self compassion and gentle nurturing as the journey within begins.
A few initial steps might be:
- Remove assumptions that you know what another thinks and feels. Try asking them! Even if you are highly intuitive we just do not know the inner thoughts of another! It is disrespectful and even harmful in the relationship to pretend we know!
- Begin a practice of listening to yourself before convincing yourself you are an effective listener of others. One way to start is through a daily mindfulness meditation practice . Listening to our still voice within often reveals subconscious false messages we do not really believe anymore, inner wisdom, and even joyful solutions we were not aware we carried! Once we can listen to ourselves in quietude, we are more able to listen to others without interjecting our own distracting assumptions that interfere with actually hearing what another is saying!
- Drop the blame game. Instead of jumping onto the blame wagon of making another responsible for your feelings, accept more likely than not, you and you alone are sole owner of your own feelings. It is not THEM..it is YOU! By making the effort to sharing how you are feeling and actually listening to the other sharing how they are feeling without throwing in your opinion about what they are saying as they are sharing ( even in your mind!) you will be becoming a conscious listener.
- Set boundaries as needed but be respectful of yourself and each communicative partner.
Remind yourself that communication comes and initiates from within. It really is an inside job . We make a choice in all interactions with others and within to be the best version of our authentic selves. Authentic communication is key to quality and lasting connections with those we respect, care about, and choose to nurture.