Gratitude

I read recently a quote Eckhart Tolle made about fear. He said the world is experiencing a Forced Stillness that  is needed globally. He went on to say that fear is a thought form somewhere in the future that has not happened yet.

It is true that many humans fear the unknown, fear they will not get what they want, or fear they will lose what they have. In the incredible time we are all experiencing with social distancing, self and regional imposed quarantines, and confusion over a virus many are in a perpetual state of fear.

As with almost everything I have experienced in my adult life, I look upon this time as an opportunity. An opportunity of really paying attention to the motives , underlying core issues, and belief systems of each of us is being shown. Will we take advantage of this time which is unlike one most of us has ever seen? Or will we continue to search madly for anything that we can use to distract ourselves from looking deeply within and continue doing the same thing repeatedly expecting different results ?

I know well that little ugly fear girl that lives within me. She is not pretty, and I cannot control her. She is always there, sometimes hiding, sometimes screaming to be heard . She wants me to focus on the suffering of the world, to dredge up those awful experiences from my childhood that I had no control over, those dysfunctional and chaotic relationships I freely participated in, blame others for the state of the world, detest and complain  the fact my gym right now is inaccessible to keep my 68 year old body toned, think about the losses I and others are dealing with…the list is endless!

There were times in my past  I felt I was fighting a battle for my very survival, fighting the universe in my battle to outwit, out manipulate, out work, out relationship, beg, and please this Universe as if it were a dragon to be slayed and beheaded. I screamed and cried at this cruel world, and a crueler God who let horrible things happen to me and others. I was the victim and was losing the war.

I cannot tell you the day or month it happened but one day I began to crack just a sliver of open mindedness and hope in my tightly wrapped armor of mistrusting all would turn out better. I seemed to remember reading of the alchemy in ancient times when lead was mystically and magically changed into gold. I really believed that happened and was possible. I began uncomfortably shifting my perceptions. My awakenings never begin giving me happiness  or even in the middle of them are they very comfortable!

My awakenings have come at different times in my life. I do not remember asking for any of them to crack the egg I was inside wide open, leaving many bits of shell around me. I do not remember asking for this Universe to show me how  I was walking around in a multitude of fears , denying it , and refusing to own it all. I do remember questioning what the hell is going on here! I do know now looking back my path of awakening has never been in a straight line. It has always been in a spiral of up/down, in/out, twisted/curved, and topsy/turvy.

The alchemical transmutation we are all experiencing in 2020 is the cracking wide open of the eggs of humanity. We still get a choice. We can choose  not to  use this enforced stillness to see the selfish, self righteous , shadowy behaviors we have tried to hide especially from ourselves. We can focus on the awfulness of the media’s interpretations of what is happening. Or…we can take this time as an opportunity to wake up, admit what we have been doing and believing , own our disconnections with each other in using social media/texting/emails as intimate forms , and accept responsibility that we have allowed our fears which are usually thought forms of some time in the future that has not even happened yet to bring us to a shaking halt, blocking us from the best versions of ourselves.

I am vowing to drink the kool aid of my illusions  and spit out the lies I have bought into. They are indeed in me,  subtle, but when the enforced stillness came I really heard my thoughts…all of them..the good/the bad/the ugly/the beautiful. .and sent the deceptive ones to their room! I kept the ones that said how can I love myself in this moment? How can I forgive the unforgivable?  How can I love those who refuse still to awaken even more? How can I allow that little fear girl to live inside my belly and still hold my head high, looking the Universe straight in the eye, and through tear-stained cheeks yell THANK YOU!

We have a chance, you and I, to do life in a new, different way. We can surrender the old worn out ways. We can love this planet with full acts of blessed kindness. We can accept we are ONE species, and shine our Light upon each other. We can rise above all our Sister Fears, and stand in strength as the Warriors we really are. I remember who I really am. Do you?

 

Published by Jennye

I am a Free Spirit who practices Native American and Earth-based spirituality. I have an intuitive healing practice offering Reiki and other healing modalities at www.heartvibrationshealing.com; I am an Intuitive visionary, a writer, a blogger, and a Speech-Language Pathologist. Traveling to various places feeds my soul!

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