As I reflect upon the person I was and honor the person I have become my heart smiles back at me. There were a lot of years I practiced demanding what I wanted instead of practicing self advocacy. Not only did I demand in body language and words, I drank at, smoked at , and ate at people and situations not delivering my emotional demands! Hindsight is one of my greatest assets as it empowers me to review my history and see the evolution of my walking my talk into a better version of myself! It was not until I embraced the ownership of my knowing internally a depth of deserving respect and worthiness, of knowing I was good enough, and of valuing the essence of who I am independent of successful achievements, the opinions of anyone else, or my outward appearance that I could step into the superpower of intentional self advocacy.
That unhealed part of me that I used to demonstrate practiced demanding what I insisted I receive had deep roots in a need of entitlement, emotional frustrations, rigid patterns of thoughts and behaviors fueled with repeated attempts to control outcomes. I lived a life of affirming what I must have which only resulted in conflicts with others. I also denied to myself and to anyone who asked that I was demanding anything! My unawakened self believed I was practicing self care to advocate for myself when I actually was hanging tightly to internal anger at all that was going on outside of myself , and almost all my decisions, my actions, my communications were based upon that need to be in control!
The shift of consciousness into becoming a more Zen Self Advocator began when I got gut level honest about how I was running around helping others and putting myself on the back burner. I often was surrounding myself with those who had emotional, physical, medical, and trauma issues and spent many hours doing for them thinking I was this warm, compassionate being. It took me quite a while to accept my need to validate myself through attracting person after person who were symbolizing being the same person with a different face was my priority. Now there is nothing wrong with wanting to help others..in fact it is an admirable trait. However when our focus is trying to gather evidence we are worthy and valuable through our continual giving ourselves to them instead of first recognizing our needs, wants, and even boundaries are valid and owning the truth we have a right to be respected for who we are..not what we do, we will never come to experience the superpower of intentional self advocacy.
Once I embraced the fact that I was equally worthy to everyone else , and worth standing up for myself , I found my voice of courage to speak up for myself with a calm conviction. I stopped demanding that I receive by practicing self love, gratitude, and learning to say no . I gradually got clear on what I needed by knowing what I wanted without being pushy or obnoxious in voicing my needs. I stopped explaining with long tirades of verbalizations of unimportant details . I simply learned how to state without aggression. By using positive self talk and clarity of knowing myself internally, I was able to know what I sincerely wanted in life and in all my relationships. None of this change happened overnight.
As my inner confidence grew once I understood my personal needs, my rights as an equal human in the world, and began communicating effectively and assertively without demanding, I observed I had become an intentional self advocator. After practicing this different way to get what I really wanted and needed, a new aspect of this shift revealed itself. I was surrendering expectations of how my self advocacy would manifest! I let go of perceived outcomes and of how others would respond to my words and the new strengthened body language. I wore the world as a loose cloak of inner knowledge that the Universe always has my back and will always match my vibrations of self love and self respect!! My prior self looked at my present self in amazement for that old Controlling, Demanding self had learned new ways to achieve what I wanted and needed in all situations. Intentional Self Advocacy is indeed a superpower when practiced within reflection and inner work. Even when we slip back momentarily to the old way of living our life, our bodies (which can never lie!) will remind us once we return to self love we will stand up tall, stand for ourselves and know we are living the life we always deserved!
“To be an activist is to speak. To be an advocate is to listen. Society can’t move forward without both.” – Eva Marie Lewis
“I learned the wisest thing I can do is to be on my own side.” -Maya Angelou
Jaguarwind 