Choosing To Be Present With Myself Helps Me To Be Present With Others

The other day during my yoga practice it occurred to me when I am present with myself fully, it is only then I can be completely present with another. I used to believe I was capable of multitasking . When I became more aware of this illusion wrapped in my arrogant and egotistical denial I embraced the fact I and you cannot effectively do two or more things at once..even the automatic tasks such as brushing my teeth, riding my bike, driving the route I drive daily, or walking. For you who want to challenge this statement, research has proven our great brain can really only handle one thing at a time. Therefore for example, when I am participating in a zoom meeting and my attention drifts to reading an email, I am not paying attention to the zoom meeting. This reminds me of a friend who calls me and he is trying to focus on a presentation he is also watching. My evidence is when I ask him what he thought of the idea I just said, he cannot answer but tries to pretend he was listening to me. I have told him more than once he does not listen well and of course, he denies that fact. Even more interesting, this person claims he is taking time to process what I had said to him: when in fact when the task of listening to me and thinking about what I said while he is focusing on something else ,his brain can only actually focus on one of those tasks. He might hear a word here or there but will not be able to digest what I actually said. There have been decades of studies that show proof when someone is multitasking what they are really doing is switching their attention between two or more tasks and more errors , less focus, and poor listening skills result. By the way I plead guilty as I used to claim I could multitask efficiently with all communicative partners!

Not only is the multitasker a poor listener , but their stress level actually increases by raised blood pressure and heart rates because their attention is jumping around like a ricocheting set of pings. You may wonder since our brains are not wired to multitask why do people continue doing it? It probably is the false belief we humans can get more done and reward ourselves with a great sense of accomplishing many things in a short period of time by multitasking . The truth is you would most likely be more efficient by doing one thing at a time, even taking a break with that one thing, allowing our mind to rest and then returning to a refreshed focus!

Now what does this have to do with staying present with ourselves? When we are present , really present with ourselves we are totally aware of what is happening in the moment…not jumping into the past that no longer exists or the future which has not gotten here (if it really ever arrives anyway!). Being present with ourselves utilizes all our senses (at least seven of them), keeps us allowing each precious moment to unfold gradually instead of us being wrapped up in what we think is going to happen, and choosing to exist only in the present we are able to fully breathe each breath. We focus on one thing at a time without being distracted when present with ourselves. I think we want to jump to the next thing instead of enjoying the experience of being with the present task because often our emotions and feelings in the present feel uncomfortable and like a gerbil chasing its tail as it runs around in a circle on a wheel, we convince ourselves we must hurry to the next place, the next task, the next experience, and the next performance.

Once we become willing to learn how to be present with ourselves we are then able to be present with another. Our relationships improve because we are more able to consciously listen to another which is showing respectful interest . We become more alive, awake, and content; thus increasing the very thing we as humans crave: quality connections! Being present empowers us to slow down, not be in rush to do the next thing, and when we slow down we are more apt to be engaged and appreciative of those aspects that really matter such as listening to the language of trees swaying in the woods as we walk in nature! Life without presence zooms by so fast that days, weeks, months, even years fly by quickly. When we do not stop and really look around and observe what is happening within us and with another person, we are likely to miss a light bulb “aha” moment, the smile on our partner or friend’s face , and the creative flow of how precious life really is!

Some ways to channel and shift your attention into the present moment with yourself or any other living thing can be learned from the natural world by grounding into the place your feet are contacting to the floor or earth and paying attention to your breath; being aware of the sensations, textures, sounds, and proprioception as you step into your shower and turn on the water; and, when out walking listen to the sound your shoes are making and every object you see.

The evidence you will receive to demonstrate you are present is noticing you no longer have to concentrate and try so hard to experience the joy of presence. Your brain will have re-wired new neural pathways and connections! As you dive deeper into being holistically whole with your own body, mind, and spirit your self acceptance, self-alignment, and self-connection through your practice of presence will expand to the same awareness with others! It just might open your eyes to a world you never really thought about before!

“If you miss the present moment, you miss your appointment with life.”-Thich Nhat Hanh