Being an observer of people, even while participating, I am granted opportunities in my co-existence as I move about the world. I have a belief that I, at various times, run into the same relationship with a different face. The relationship has gone through cycles , and when I am needing to grow and raise my vibration a little higher, a different face of the same old relationship shows up.
In the past few months a couple of different faces showed up . Originally, I really enjoyed conversations with both. That must be because of my theory that we immediately love those who mirror aspects of our own personality we love. Both showed me the compassion I love , and how important it is to help others. I do love these aspects of myself and loved it in them.
Almost simultaneously, both showed me this ugly side: each chose to attempt emotionally shaming me while wanting me to acknowledge what good people they are. Oooh challenging, my inner child was screaming to my adult head! My M.O. usually has the initial fight/flight response and wants to take my toys and go to another sandbox to play. My second or maybe third response, once I hit my PAUSE button was to tell my ego to step aside and to try to understand both people. I assure you my ego does not like being told to go to her room!
During my pause time, I became surprisingly quite calm. Their attempts to shame me did not create negative emotions within myself. They did create my questioning: WTF? is going on with these people! Being a strong advocate of wanting to walk a mile in others’ moccasins, with the help of people I know I can trust engaging in solutions with me as I processed the situations, I had that light bulb moment: Both experienced traumatic experiences in their young lives, and both are adults with adult responsibilities walking around unhealed. It has occurred to me and the Universe has validated this truth: When the unhealed person with childhood or even adulthood trauma is triggered emotionally (and both people were recently !) they will emotionally attack and judge a person they trust!
Furthermore, I began looking at the world and its inhabitants. There are those who attack each other emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. There are those who embrace each other with love, compassion, and tolerance. There lies the healed and the unhealed. Taking these facts into reflection, I considered how to coexist in my world with both sets of people. I do not want to live in an isolated glass tower. Though I am a lone wolf, I am also a social being.
Long ago Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Five Agreements , taught me that it was best if I do not take things personally. I looked at my part…I do always have a part! I wanted to defend myself but that is so unnecessary so I resisted doing so . Part of my solution is to know who I am, claim who I am, and love who I am. The second part of that solution is my choices. I can, if I choose, walk away after I have accepted the lesson the situation came to teach me. I can , at least in my head, thank the messenger for giving me the opportunity to listen with an open mind. I can offer myself more love. It always comes down to this: I and we just need to love ourselves more. I can forgive my “attacker”. I can continue to understand “them” without needing to explain or defend me. Oh, and while I am processing all this, I can BREATHE. Holding the breath is something human -doings often do in midst of confusion and trying to figure it all out.
Learning to co-exist with the healed and the unhealed must be why I am a spiritual being having this human experience. Will I remember? Will you? Just maybe if we remind each other to love a little bit more in spite of the words and actions of others and to ourselves, we can co-create a little nicer world.