Most of us have strong ideas of what we want to receive, obtain, and experience whether it is a certain relationship, job, home, money, health, or peace of mind. We get the idea in our thoughts, focusing, even obsessing on how, who, what, and when the illusive situation will drop onto our silver platter of life. This goal and obsession may even flood our ever waking moments so much we put other important activities on hold as we become totally involved in getting what we want when and the way we must have it!
Then after weeks, months,maybe even longer goes by and we have not received that illusive goal , we may start considering maybe it is time to let it go. However, our ego fights with us demanding YES I can still figure a way to control this and get what I want. Following that thought we may notice tenseness in our body, not sleeping well, venting and saying things to others we really wish we had not said, and the rising of emotional disturbance within us.
We may even say we want to surrender but the question is are we really willing to do so? At what cost will we allow our control freak ego within to step aside and we finally become willing to let go…and how do we even start to do that? Perhaps it will help to understand what surrender is and is not……
Surrender is not evidence we have failed. It is not using will power to let go. It is not exactly acceptance that “it is what it is”. Surrender is the place we reach when we know we do not know what to do, how to do it, or if our life will be any happier with or without getting what we were so sure we wanted. It is the moment of “OH GOD”…I cannot go on doing this to myself.
The second of surrender is simple, easy. It is the agonizing journey and pathway getting there that is painful. Once we surrender we finally exhale all that control, all that anguish, all those emotions we have been holding so tightly onto. We breathe freely. We literally see the end of our self imposed suffering. So must I, you, and we as human beings keep facing situations that we must try to control (which is an illusion anyway!) or is there another choice?
Trust me I have been there many times in my life, and today more than ever I see how much time and energy I have expended and wasted trying to control those things I cannot change. I came up with this plan. I call it a practice.
Every morning once I am fully awake I say aloud: What do I need to surrender? There are usually multiple things! Then I say aloud again…am I willing to surrender this, these things, thoughts, ideas? After practicing this for a while I have come to the awareness more often than not I am willing to surrender …not because I am a saint (because I ain’t!) but because with each day of this practice I see what a struggle my ego presents to me daily in trying to control something I literally have no control over! My practice has awakened and opened my eyes a little bit more.
Once I understood that surrender is not about something I need to become a Nun or a Monk over…that it is really the ability and intention to ahhhh exhale into trusting the process of the Universe and that I do not have to force anything to happen…just enjoy peace because now I know it really is safe to exhale control and angst and let go. I think I will consider this day…just living in the precious moment of going with the flow…WHAT A CONCEPT!