I have been observing people I thought I knew well during the enforced quarantine of 2020 seemingly change. As I observed I came to the conclusion no one has changed…each has only become more of who they already were. Several friends and acquaintances have taken on the role of scientists, physicians, and Gods. People I only saw inklings of these shadow roles have jumped on proverbial bandwagons touting and spouting their greatness and their beliefs that their way is the only way to believe and present to the world. I have experienced significant changes in a few friendships, and a few I have walked away from while a few have walked away from me. I learned long ago I can shut the door on any situation, any relationship, but never to put the deadbolt lock on that door. One just never knows what may need to change, revisit, and reform within ourselves.
My own self observations have been assessed and I continue to believe in shining the light on humanity, holding the vision of a humanity of equality, and holding the intention, the best I can, of loving my brotherhood-sisterhood where each is at the moment. This at times challenges me but I continue striving. Being willing to accept even those who have attacked me and others personally , verbally blatantly and subtly has opened a door of frustration and pain I have carried since my teen age years. I applaud the Universe for opening this can of worms! I applaud those whose passions have resulted in uncorking the bottle of false illusions, denial, and unresolved grief. I celebrate the huge deception of humankind that we are separate beings. We are awakening, some of us slower than others, and some of us fighting to hold on tightly with the evidence of our long claw marks resisting change.
I read today that perfectionism is a form of self destruction, and I am adding to this definition, self sabotage. Those of us who have been suffering with this belief that we must be perfect and do life perfectly underneath that umbrella only have a tight carriage hidden , we hope, to minimize all those feelings of shame, guilt, blame and judgement. Therefore, so many in the collective consciousness demand to show each other and the world how it is all needing to look, how it should evolve.
Perhaps we can loosen that tight harness we have placed around our own neck and the spine of others by letting it unfold as it needs to…by looking into the eye of each of other fellow beings…and saying gently..You, too are my brother and my sister. You, too, are part of me. Then by looking in the mirror deeply at our own eyes without blinking and saying: I welcome the unity of humanity without choosing to be separated by any aspect. I am enough. You are enough. Together we are whole. Ahhhh as I exhale the need to make it turn out the way my ego demands …I can finally breathe and become love itself.